"Don't wear Thresher if you don't know who this is," I yell at the stupid beachgoers just as the panicking shark I'm holding gains the upper hand.

Boneless ne'er-do-wells keep oozing into my bone vending machine, causing my financial ruin.

"So it's okay when Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots do it" is, apparently, not a valid legal defence for what I did at Costco.

The zookeeper mutters something that sounds like "Draculape" as they load several more rifles into their golf cart.

I want to watch the Zizek/Peterson thing but I don't want to give them money.

I love money and hate my brain and I'm okay with being this way.

Hate it when my enemies imprison me in the bottom of a well and I must subsist on rainwater and well meat until I can finally climb to the top and begin my quest for vengeance.

🤺 🤺
Sword guy about Regular
to get stabbed sword guy
in the back

Only Samsung could have come up with the bold idea of "a bigger screen that breaks super easily".

The family Seder the year is boardgame themed and I think I need to convert to another religion.

Trying to land a Ted Talk so I can steal a black turtleneck and that wireless headset.

Teen Wolf showed that wolfmen (the younger ones at least) were good at basketball, which means that wolfman is technically an air bud.

@cdmnky @Sir_Boops
Messed up how Canada is allowed to have their own money.

I hate it when a dracula moves into the area and starts selling their non-gmo vegetables at the farmer's market, muscling out the locals with their big city dracula marketing lingo.

Just remember: You can swim around and bite people too, you don't have to rely on sharks for that.

Today be sure to the smell of burning hair into the woods behind the old gas station.

👏LET👏JUMBO👏JETS👏PLAY👏LASER👏TAG👏WITH👏EACH👏OTHER👏SO👏THE👏PILOTS👏STAY👏AWAKE👏AND👏HAVE👏FUN👐

Unlocking the power of my brain with a combination of antioxidants and powdered shark RNA.

Defeating NASA by using the power of pie smells to float tramps and hobos into space.

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[social media] without the [social skills]