One of the things that Ghostbusters never got into was that all the ghosts were wild caught, which means they could ethically eat them.

Younger millennials are soft because they don't remember the 80s, where old ladies would constantly through tires through windows with almost no provocation.

AOC endorses Bernie, Bernie has to drop out to due to health reasons, Bernie endorses the most similar candidate (Kamen Rider), Kamen Rider wins in 2020, 2022 we get the first Big Bad Beetleborg Supreme Court Justice.

How you gonna talk shit about a tyrannosaurus' three foot long arms and only be 5'10?

Get your own house in order.

We looked at the cat, one of the only animals capable of true hatred, and thought "definitely need a couple of these things where we sleep and are nude."

Invasive species can rapidly destroy a previously stable environment, such as lionfish in Florida or that live octopus I threw into the mayor's car.

The Legend of Zelda follows the classic heroic journey of getting a sword from a cave pervert to fight an octopus and then later a magical incel.

Bernie bros say they care about the environment but where were they when one of the most popular guys in school mysteriously died in connection with a street racing gang and then a mysterious figure in a concept car appears and begins killing the gang one by one in firey wrecks?

Broke: Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte

Woke: Taco Bell's Bone Burrito

Me and my doctor have differing opinions on which organs count as "vital".

Maintaining a proper "safety bubble" around my car by using various spells and magical items I found in a dungeon.

I think if an animal talks, it should get to be president.

Sorry, this is just what I believe.

There's no real difference between an oatmeal cookie and a deadly throwing star.

Licking various cursed frogs, not to get high (but hey, bonus if I do) but to show my disdain for monarchies.

Microwaving my banjo strings for reasons even I don't fully comprehend.

I didn't catch the debate because there was too much culturally important television tonight (free wrestling shows on YouTube), did any candidate shoot blood from their eyes like an angry horny toad?

Clearing my mind of all bad thoughts to make room for even worse and darker ones.

A new genre of music is sweeping the nation. It's called "horse rock" and it's fucking awful.

I bet there is at least one ventriloquist dummy that is terrified of finger puppets.

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[social media] without the [social skills]