I need a greasemonkey script to replace the pictures of Korean pop singers that show up in Twitter threads constantly with pictures of Macho Man which, frankly, don't show up enough.

Imagine being so angry at a video game service you paid money to do an ad campaign about how angry you are.

Congratulations to the New York Times endorsee: The smoking trenchcoat gremlin from Gremlins 2 that flashed people then got kicked where its dick is supposed to be.

Let's get politics OUT of sports and Frankenstein IN.

That sumbitch would rush for like 300 yards a game.

Worst sentence possible: We want to be the Imagine Dragons of ska.

When bae catches you emitting radiation in a vain attempt to impress the microwave.

When bae catches you lording your binoculars over the cyclops.

When bae catches you uncurling snail shells to make them faster and more aerodynamic.

When bae catches you teaching watermelons the difference between good and evil.

When bae catches you making anti-sandwiches in the air fryer.

The one where Joey begins to shoot smoke and sparks out of his mouth. Chandler howls "Can you be more of a malfunctioning automaton" as their home burns.

Monica invents a new type of martini and is placed on a CIA kill list.

Sony could just one guy out to E3 to shout "Ape Escape" and it would be their best presser ever.

Me: So this is a song about a man's life being destroyed by an addiction as he watches but is powerless to stop?

Jethro Tull: Yes.

Me: Does it need a two minute flute solo?

Jethro Tull, but snarling and wild eyed: Yes.

If Netflix had the Mindhunter cast on contract, instead of releasing them they should have just made a new show until Fincher could come back.

Same cast, sets, everything... but this time it's a 30 minute office comedy.

Weird how Russia's government just dissolved, leaving the country in the hands of one man who has already exceed what passes for term limi- WHY ARE THE OLD MILLIONAIRES NOT SHAKING HANDS?

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[social media] without the [social skills]